Esther’s Chance Meting with her Ex.

Anime Penny Whyte by Cidolfuss

Episode: 5 Esther’s Chance Metting with her Ex.

                Esther sank into the bench at the light rail station, her fingers brushing over the treasure she’d snagged at the consignment store: a boy’s large blue blazer. It hung a bit loose on her frame, but that was fine—it paired perfectly with her naturally kinky hair to create the ultimate Spike Spiegel costume. Sure, Cowboy Bebop’s space cowboy was a guy, but that didn’t faze her; plenty of women cosplayed as male anime characters. She’d nail the look, and off the top of her head, the bounty hunter was the only Jewish anime character she could recall.

She’d learned about it on a Facebook group for PDX cosplayers seeking help with costume pieces. When she posted an all-points bulletin for a jacket, a My Hero Academia fan sent her a picture of the blazer hanging on a vintage shop’s rack with a $14.99 price tag. Esther immediately hopped a MAX light rail train for a six-mile ride into the Hollywood District.

                Esther snapped out of her reverie when a familiar voice cut through. “Esther? What are you doing here?”

Ice-cold panic shot up her spine. It was Penny Whyte, her ex-girlfriend. Esther’s eyes lifted from the blazer. Penny stood there in her signature yellow overall shorts, knee-high socks, and a silk t-shirt, her hair styled in perfect double buns—a look Esther had helped her craft for her YouTube channel.

Penny was only a year older, but she had a knack for making Esther feel small and out of place. “Uh…I was getting this…jacket,” Esther stammered, thrown off by her ex’s presence. Penny’s gaze turned disapproving. “It’s for RedOniCon in a few weeks. For my cosplay…” Her voice trailed off, nearly drowned out by the platform’s crow.             

Penny’s face lit up, the way it always did when she thought she could prove she was smarter than everyone else. “Oh, you’re going as that space bounty hunter from Cowboy Bebop. See, I did pay attention when you made me watch all those Japanese cartoons.”

Apparently not enough to know the show’s title from its protagonist, Esther thought, though she had to give Penny points for trying. Glancing down, she asked, “Uh… why are you… what are you doing here?” A flicker of panic twisted in Esther’s gut. Was Penny following her?

“Well,” Penny began, “we’re filming host spots for the show in a little studio on Sandy Boulevard. My Toyota’s in the shop for an oil change or something, so I figured I’d be like the ordinary folks and take the MAX.”  Esther let out a deep sigh—

Penny wasn’t stalking her. Relief washed over her, though a faint pang of disappointment lingered deep down. Penny hosted a YouTube show called Penny’s Truth. She wasn’t mega-famous, but earning over $50,000 a year with 200,000 followers wasn’t bad for a twenty-one-year-old.

Penny’s Truth was a conspiracy theory show, and that had been a major issue between them. Esther’s friend Avery dabbled in conspiracies too, but his were harmless—think Nessie or 1950s “Space Brothers” sightings. Penny’s show, on the other hand, dove into darker stuff like anti-vaxxing theories and QAnon. “After production costs, I’m pulling in about a thousand bucks a week from sponsors alone,” Penny said. She wasn’t mega-famous, but earning over $50,000 a year with 200,000 followers wasn’t bad for a twenty-one-year-old. “That’s not bad,” Esther said softly.

“I know!” Penny gushed, diving into her favorite topic—herself. “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re in talks to take the show to a premium streaming service like Hulu or Netflix.” She’d been boasting about a “coming soon” streaming deal since they’d met. Then, out of nowhere, she blurted, “Know what I’ve been thinking about? Remember that time we went to the coast, and there was a freaking moose on the library’s front lawn? I can still see your face when we drove by, and you said in that deadpan voice, ‘Only in Astoria can you see a moose a mile from the Pacific Ocean.’ We laughed all the way to Longview.” Her face glowed with the memory. “See, it wasn’t all bad, was it?”

Esther managed a faint smile. “No, it wasn’t.” She paused. “When it was good, it was really good.”

“I know,” Penny said. “I mean, sure, I’ve been on dates and stuff, but since we broke up—what, six months ago? No one’s quite…”

“Nine and a half,” Esther corrected, her voice firm. Then, softer, she repeated, “It was nine and a half months ago.” She hated how precisely she remembered the moment they’d parted ways.

“But the point is,” Penny said, steering the focus back to herself, “I haven’t dated anyone since you. I mean, we almost got back together.”

“Yeah, we almost did,” Esther agreed quietly.

“It was going so well. Then, in like thirty minutes, you said you didn’t want to see me anymore, and I still don’t know why,” Penny said “You really don’t get it, do you? I told you,” Esther said, frustration rising. She felt like she was always defending herself to Penny, and that was the problem—it was never just a one-time thing.

“Explain it to me in words I can understand,” Penny demanded.

Esther took a deep, cleansing breath, the kind her mother had urged her to practice since childhood to avoid saying something hurtful. “Okay, so things were going well at the restaurant. I was remembering why I fell in… why I cared about you.”

Penny smirked, cutting in as if she’d won a bet. “I knew it! You were feeling it too.”

Esther took another steadying breath. “So, we were about to head to your place, and I was paying my bill. I didn’t want to tip with my card since the waitstaff wouldn’t see it for a week, so I left a ten as a tip—it was all I had. I was so excited to see you again, I could only afford fries and a Coke… and…”

“And?” Penny pressed

“You said, ‘See, you can be generous when you want,’” Esther quoted, her voice sharp.

“So?” Penny shrugged. Esther glared, her eyes burning with fury. “What, is this the Jew thing again? I was trying to compliment you—how you overcame your upbringing.”

“What!” Esther’s scream was so loud that two skate punks waiting for a train to the skate park turned and stared. She took a deep, steadying breath, teeth clenched, and said in a low, controlled tone, “What do you mean by ‘overcoming my upbringing’? You know my mom. Ruth Goldbaum may have her faults, but not ensuring minimum-wage workers get enough to eat isn’t one of them.”

“Not your mom, you know…” Penny trailed off, hesitating.

“If you say ‘the Jews,’ I swear I’ll punch you right here and now, and I won’t care if I go to jail,” Esther snapped. The skate punks nodded approvingly and returned to their conversation.

“Calm down, E,” Penny said defensively, then went on the offensive. “I mean, you’re not even a Jew.”

“What!?” Esther screamed, inches from Penny’s face.

“You’re not a Jew. You don’t believe in God—you’re an atheist.”

Esther reeled, stunned. “It… it’s… I have a complicated relationship with Judaism. I try to leave God out of it. It’s different. If a Christian stops believing in God, they’re no longer a Christian. A Jew stops believing in God, they’re still a Jew.”

Penny folded her arms across her chest, fixing Esther with her patented “you’re wrong” stare. “Your favorite Voodoo Doughnut is the maple bacon bar.”

“So, I don’t keep kosher. That doesn’t mean I’m not a Jew. There are levels. My great-grandfather was rescued from the Holocaust—”

“Yeah, I’ve heard the story,” Penny cut in smugly. “I’ve seen the picture of the balding guy on your living room wall, how Rothchild saved—”

“Wallenberg!” Esther snapped. “His name was Wallenberg, not Rothschild. Is everything a conspiracy theory to you? Does every word out of your mouth have to drip with latent antisemitism? He was a gentile—the greatest gentile!”

“See, you claim you’re oppressed, but you call non-Jews a slur,” Penny retorted, convinced she’d won the argument.

“Gentile isn’t a slur!” Esther shouted.

“That’s your problem—you divide people into us and them,” Penny said, her voice dripping with smugness. “But, Esther, you can be better. I’ve seen it. You’re so much more than your past.”

Furious, Esther snatched up the blue blazer that had brought her so much joy just moments before Penny appeared and rushed toward the nearest tram with an open door. “I’ve got to go—this is my train,” she called, already halfway inside “Wait!” Penny called out. “That’s a Green Line—it’s going the opposite direction from your house.”

“We moved to Clackamas,” Esther insisted. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to see you anymore.”

“Esther, you’re a bad liar. Come back out, and we can talk about this,” Penny urged.

Esther felt her resolve wavering, but her anger held firm. The tram doors slammed shut, and it lurched forward, sparing her from responding. Penny’s figure faded into the distance. Esther was, indeed, a bad liar. She was now heading farther from her apartment, not closer. Even if she got off at the next stop and doubled back, she couldn’t immediately hop on a tram toward home, for fear Penny might see her—or worse, board the same car. She’d added at least ninety minutes to her trip home. Moving to the front of the nearly empty light rail train, she sank into a seat, grateful for the unusually low number of riders. She placed her head in her hands and began to cry.

Read more: Esther’s Chance Meting with her Ex.